Grief and loss
Grieve in your way
Grief is a process. It does not end with the funeral. You may not believe that you will survive the pain& be patient with yourself. The depth of sorrow diminishes so very slowly. There are no timetables. The grief process is never the same for any two people. Do not compare yourself with others in similar situations. Their smiles may not reveal the depth of their sorrows.
Accept your emotions
Death brings many reactions. These emotions are a natural response to the death of a loved one. Allow yourself to feel these normal emotions so that you can get through the grief. In the beginning you may feel:
- Shock: bewildered, literally stunned, almost paralyzed in a world of unreality.
- Denial: feel as if the death never really occurred, even though you know it has.
- Panic: "I'll never make it alone!" You feel as if you are losing control.
- Physical distress: food has little taste. You may experience physical pain. The pain is not imagined. It is real. Your body is feeling your emotional loss.
- Anger: "Why me?" Hostility is one of the most difficult emotions to handle. Expressing your anger helps you to release the anger and your frustrations.
- Depression: you may feel alone, unprotected, overwhelmed and drained. Give yourself time to hurt, to grieve, to cry.
Express your feelings
It is not enough to recognize your conflicting emotions; it helps to communicate them openly. Find a good listener, a friend who will understand that your many feelings are normal reactions to your grief.
Seeking help
You may still feel alone. You may be disappointed in the reactions of your closest friends, on whom you counted. "Where are they now when I need them?" Perhaps they think you would rather be by yourself. It may be they cannot handle the pain themselves. Working through the loss of a loved one is a complex and disturbing task. Even well intentioned friends are not adequate. They are not trained in this field and may themselves be emotionally involved with the loss. Seeking help or advice from a professional counselor is not an admission of weakness. It is a demonstration of your determination to help yourself during this critical period of adjustment.